Awareness is the ability to recognize emotions in yourself and in others. It is not what is happening to you, it is how you’re responding to what is happening to you.

As part of our series about “Emotional Intelligence, I had the pleasure of interviewing Patricia Pollack.

Patricia Pollack is a leading expert and thought leader on transcendence and emotional intelligence. She is a celebrated author who works with CEOs, entrepreneurs, artists, and other high-profile individuals to evolve their emotional intelligence and transcend beyond white privilege, racism, and slavery. She teaches that in order to create a different reality, we need to stop allowing the past to control the current narrative, take back the power of our subconscious, and manifest the life we want.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

Of course! I am originally from Jamaica and moved to Canada when I was three years old. My parents came to Canada for a better life and opportunities for myself and my sister. My mother often worked two to three jobs at a time to keep the family afloat, while my father worked odd jobs while studying to become a certified welder. My mother is the youngest of 9 siblings and my father is one of 11 siblings, and their large families had different effects on their personalities. Since my mother was the youngest of her siblings she had a lot to prove within the family structure as she was not formally educated, and became pregnant with me at an early age as an unmarried young woman. She was very practical in her teachings and the way she brought us up. My mother was also the disciplinarian in our family and didn’t settle for anything other than greatness from any of us. My father had a very Caribbean mentality; he loved saying “man cool” because he was always a cool and laid-back person. He was comfortable accepting whatever life threw his way, whereas my mother always wanted more out of life.

My childhood upbringing had a great impact on me today since it taught me to be responsible and independent. Back then I was considered to be a “latchkey kid,” which simply means that I was left alone after school by working parents. That meant no play time. Instead, I was always cooking, cleaning, preparing meals for the family, ironing, doing laundry, and preparing for the next school and working day. I also took care of my only sister who is 10 years younger than me while my parents worked. I always knew they loved me, but they also relied on me to handle a lot of household duties. They needed to survive in a brand-new country as a very young couple, so I learned to look after myself. That self-reliance carries through to today.

What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.

A family friend, who was a naturopath at the time, inspired my career. In the last year before high school ended, I met with the guidance counselor to discuss pursuing a law degree. He said I had average grades and that to get into a university — which is a more advanced level of education in Canada than a college — I would need to drastically improve my grades, and that there wasn’t enough time in the school year for me to catch up in that capacity. The counselor also told me that most black kids did not succeed in law because it was very difficult to pass the LSAT test and that a lot of students had to take it 2 to 3 times in order to pass.

This frustrated me, and made me feel like he didn’t believe I had the capability. When I told my parents how the meeting went, my mom was horrified and wanted to confront the counselor for not encouraging me. My dad, on the other hand, told me to join the army, saying I could use some discipline. He felt that way because of the dynamic between him and my mom: since my dad was unambitious in my mother’s eyes, she did not care if I ignored and disrespected him as a father. In his eyes, I was rebellious and hard to control. Then I told my parents that my Caucasian peers were travelling the world for a year to get to know themselves, and my mother told me if I wanted to travel the world, I should pack my bags right then and there and leave. I was not prepared to leave at the very moment, but she was very serious. I knew I needed to give more thought to my future.

To help me focus, my mom scheduled a meeting with the naturopath named Dr. Andrew. He sat me down and told me I was Black and that life would be harder for me and that I had to be twice as smart, ambitious, and productive as my Caucasian peers. He told me that the solution was to pursue work in technology, as he knew it was going to really take off in the coming years. He knew of a three-year program for a college degree and a four-year degree only offered in the United States at that time. So, I did three years in Toronto, and my last year in Atlanta to get a bachelor of science degree in computer information systems.

Then in 2018, I went to Israel on a spur-of-the-moment vacation. While I was there I visited all the biblical spots. One night I went to bed and I heard the voice of god tell me that I was to write a book about Donald Trump, and I would be given the title and the contents of the entire book. Prior to that day, I had only heard the voice of god on maybe 3 occasions. I went back to Canada and the book and title were haunting me. I did not want to write about Donald Trump and his politics, but after a few restless nights I got up and began writing. A few months later, COVID-19 hit and I procrastinated on sharing what I’d written. But then my face started to twitch uncontrollably. When I looked at myself I heard the voice of god say, “If you do not use your voice, I will take it away.” So, I hit publish for the book to go live.

In writing the book on Donald Trump, I could clearly see how much Trump truly believed in himself and how much he has a love for the structure of family and god. God told me that he gave Trump as a personal gift to the world on what is possible when you believe in yourself combined with a belief in a higher power than yourself. Since writing the book, it became clear to me that we are driven by our emotions. Everything we manifest in our lives comes from a place of emotion, good or bad. Each emotion is tied to a vibration frequency that determines the outcome of your life, and if you can hone in on some of the negative emotions, you can change parts of your life to make them happier and more fulfilling.

None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?

My mother single-handedly gave me the most help and encouragement to be who I am today. When I moved to Atlanta for my last year of college, this took a financial toll on my parent’s income. In the 90’s, International students did not have permission to work, so my mom gave me $800 U.S. of her own money. She knew how important it was to me to succeed. My mother also gave me the support and encouragement to carry on when my daughter had a vaccination shot that led to a seizure disorder, which ultimately led to a traumatic brain injury. My daughter was in a pediatric hospital in an ICU for six months and on life support for three. My mom put her job on hold and flew from Canada to New York to be with me and my daughter.

Once my daughter was transferred to a children’s therapy center in New Jersey it was time for my mother to leave. Maybe one month went by and she came back with my sister and dad. My immediate family members insisted I move back to Canada because they thought the healthcare was superior at the time. I moved back to Canada and lived with my mother only to find out that the healthcare was universal therefore extremely overwhelmed and if you have a loved one with complex medical, technological needs then you are on a long long waiting list. After about a year she helped me get an apartment on the ground floor so if there were any emergencies since my daughter was now in a wheelchair. I wouldn’t have to wait on an elevator to get my daughter out of the building. During this time, life was bleak and dark; the vibrant child that I gave birth to no longer existed. She was just a shell of herself who slept all day and night and I never saw the whites of her eyes for a whole year.

Both of my parents put on a small fundraiser so that I could get my daughter some hyperbaric treatments which ultimately woke her up. Her beautiful smile came back, and brought with it a little belly laughter. What an incredible day that was! During this time, my mom would tell me life wasn’t over, that I could pursue any career and she would support me 100 percent by taking care of my daughter while I figured it out. Her love and support gave me the freedom to explore and become my true self.

Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?

During one of my first office jobs, a colleague of mine came across a job posting at the National Basketball Association in technology and, based on the description alone, he thought I would be a perfect fit. I laughed, but applied as a joke because I wasn’t even a basketball fan. Three interviews later, I got the job! I was a project leader working between technology and the engineering department.

At the time the IT department did not understand the needs of the engineering department so it was my job to help facilitate communication. One day the lead engineer asked me to go in front of the camera and read the teleprompter because the female talent for the show was running late. I sat behind the desk and he told me I looked gorgeous on camera and I froze and couldn’t see the words on the screen. I got really insecure and awkward. Today I regret that I let anxiety and fear get in the way of what could have been an amazing opportunity.

At the time, I was so shy and embarrassed because I thought I needed basketball experience for the words to translate to the audience. Now I know that wasn’t true. All I had to do was read with confidence and enthusiasm. If I’d done that, my entire life might have gone in a very different direction!

The road to success is hard and requires tremendous dedication. This question is obviously a big one, but what advice would you give to a young person who aspires to follow in your footsteps and emulate your success?

The advice I would give to a young person who is inspired by me is threefold: never give up — where there is life, there is hope. Second, make quick decisions because the quick decisions that we make in life are the ones with the most energetic pull for greatness. Don’t worry about making the “wrong” choice. You can always change your mind, you just have to be brave about it. Lastly, if you dreamed about something or thought about something, that is the universe’s way of telling you it is absolutely yours to pursue. You simply have to DECIDE that you want it and begin to take steps toward it in your mind, heart and take tiny physical action. Feel into the emotion of already having it. If you just believe you can have it, the universe will handle the “how.” Taking imperfect action is much better than consistently talking yourself out of taking any action at all.

Is there a particular book, film, or podcast that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

The book that made a significant impact on me is called The Power of the Subconscious Mind by Dr. Joseph Murray. It was in this book that I learned that we are all on auto-pilot for most of our lives. Ninety-five percent of our thoughts come to us through our unconscious; we just pick them up while we aren’t paying attention. This is especially true for young children, who absorb everything around them and begin to form their values and beliefs from what they’ve absorbed.

This book resonated with me so much. For the first time, I understood why I would tell myself to make different decisions or choices in my life, but never actually make them. I would promise myself a big change and somehow each day led into night, which led to the next day, week, month … and so on. I had no awareness that it was a pattern of behavior that had been passed down to me, and that all those childhood issues were never my own personal issues. Once I figured this out and accepted it as a fact, I felt more in control of my life. My buttons and triggers could no longer be pushed so easily.

Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much?

“Try everything once.” If it does not work, at least you will have experienced it for yourself instead of relying on someone else’s interpretation. For example, I went swimming with the sharks in Hawaii. I am not a great swimmer but I didn’t need to be. They just put you in a cage and you swim to the bottom and come back up. Now if I had listened to other people who told me not to go based on their own fears, I wouldn’t have had such a magical time exploring the unknown.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?

Right now, I am working on taking the Martin Luther King speech “I have a Dream” further. I am re-organizing it to take his dream to the next level. Given today’s times, I feel his dream is antiquated and needs to be revamped to move the black and indigenous communities forward. My big audacious goal is to have these two communities transcend mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically beyond the concept of white privilege and racism faster than fake news took over the world. This includes an updated list of 10 commandments for harnessing the powers of emotional intelligence.

I am also working on a one-day VIP in-person or virtual event where my clients can experience how I approach and embody the power of emotional intelligence in a luxurious way.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the core focus of our interview. Can you briefly tell our readers a bit about why you are an authority about Emotional Intelligence?

Well to start, because I’m 52 years old. There are a lot of life lessons and experiences that one goes through during 50+ years of life!

I am an authority on Emotional Intelligence because I know how to work with what my brain is telling me. I feel that your brain constantly lies to you, and will never give you the positive perspective. Your brain is always prepared to give you the negative scenario first, and it is always prepared to talk you out of moving forward in life. Only when you sit down and think through the situation, and ask yourself the question, “is this statement really true?” can you get the full picture. You gain emotional intelligence through experiences and decisions, and if you can get beyond the negative first thought and take positive action, you will always come out a winner. It is always that first negative thought that is tied to your core values and belief systems that you inherited from your past.

For the benefit of our readers, can you help to define what Emotional Intelligence is?

Emotional intelligence is the capacity to be aware of your emotions, control your emotions, then make conscious and informed decisions.

A group of caregivers come into my home every day to help me with my daughter, who has a brain injury. That means every day, I have to be conscious of how their day is going before I even consider sharing the emotions from their client (my daughters) day. It takes a great deal of emotional intelligence to do that, even for someone like me. People naturally focus on their own feelings and needs first, but practicing emotional intelligence means learning to control that urge.

Although many say that Trump is not emotionally intelligent, he really is. He always thinks positively about himself and that is all that really matters. He is only in control of what he thinks of himself, and that is what translates in the universe. His ability to practice emotional intelligence automatically creates more abundance in all aspects of his life.

My blueprint for Emotional Intelligence is awareness + belief + change + decide/discipline = emotional intelligence.

Awareness is the ability to recognize emotions in yourself and in others. It is not what is happening to you, it is how you’re responding to what is happening to you.

Belief is what most people respond and react to from their unconscious minds. Ideas about how the world works that are hard-wired into their brains.

Change is a vital force in life. Your life will not change if you keep repeating your traumatic story day in and day out. You must change your thoughts and feelings to change your experience of the world.

The ability to decide and be disciplined means not to get caught up in your own thought process. One should decide to refrain from overthinking and to take more action.

Master these four areas, and you will achieve emotional intelligence. This ability to control your emotions is absolutely crucial to success. You can be the smartest person in the room, but if you don’t have a handle on your emotions and how they affect your behaviors, you can’t achieve your goals.

How is Emotional Intelligence different from what we normally refer to as intelligence?

Intellectual intelligence related to academic abilities and comprehension of existing concepts and processes. I think emotional intelligence is much more important than intellectual intelligence. Studies have shown that it’s a better indicator of success in the workplace, and is used to identify leaders, good team players, and people who work best by themselves.

Can you help explain a few reasons why Emotional Intelligence is such an important characteristic? Can you share a story or give some examples?

Emotional intelligence can help you build stronger relationships at school, work, and in social situations. It can also help you to connect with your feelings, turn intention into imperfect action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to you. An example of when I had to use my emotional intelligence is when my sister hosted a pool birthday party for my mother in August, 2021.

As a surprise, my sister made custom, unique swimsuits for myself and my mother. My swimsuit was a beautiful black swimsuit full of stars in various shapes and colors. From the moment I put on the swimsuit I could feel and tell that the left side of the swimsuit needed more material in order to fit properly, so I told my sister and she just thought I was being insecure because the swimsuit looked extremely nice on me but there was no support. Luckily, one of my aunts was at the pool party and she happened to have a very fancy detailed pin on her that I could pin the front of the swimsuit together all while still looking very sexy.

The pin did not take away from the suit one bit, however, my sister was insulted and didn’t want anyone messing with the original design. She basically told me “too bad” and that I should wear the swimsuit as she designed it (if you have a sister, you know how difficult they can be). At that moment, I knew I had two options. First, to cuss her out, or two, send her love quickly through the universe from my loving energetic spirit to hers. Then while I was sitting at a table not moving, the left side of my swimsuit opened and exposed my left breast. My mother caught it firsthand so she took the pin from my aunt and strongly insisted that my sister use the pin on my swimsuit for pictures.

I knew if I stayed calm and positive something would work itself out. I also knew if I yelled and screamed at her to get my point across, one of us would have left my mom’s birthday early and angry, so it all worked out well.

Would you feel comfortable sharing a story or anecdote about how Emotional Intelligence has helped you in your life? We would love to hear about it.

I am a parent with a child with complex care needs, and in the past I used to take pride in pushing the medical care team in a corner. I had convinced myself that they were lousy, uneducated professionals that didn’t have the capacity to think for themselves or to think outside of the box. If it wasn’t in the textbook, they were unable to figure things out. This attitude, of course, was off-putting and did more harm than good. Through cultivating my emotional intelligence and controlling my feelings, I learned to be more subtle in my approach. When I became frustrated with the medical team, I trained myself to step away, do a few breathing counts, then re-enter the room with a much better attitude. The adjustments I made to my emotional responses meant we were finally able to get things done.

Can you share some specific examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help a person become more successful in the business world?

Don’t underestimate the power of your attitude. A negative attitude easily infects others if you allow it to. Emotionally intelligent people have an awareness of the moods of those around them, and guard their own attitudes accordingly. They know how to adjust their emotions to have a good day and an optimistic outlook. This could include having a great breakfast or lunch, engaging in prayer or meditation, dancing in your living room or home office, getting outside in nature or a 20-minute walk, and the list goes on! Emotional intelligence is, in part, learning how to create a happy life by learning more about your deepest needs.

Can you share a few examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help people have better relationships?

What people think and feel about you can be hurtful, but we can exercise control over that pain. We choose how long we will linger in the pain of “hurt feelings.” What truly matters is the internal conversations that we have with ourselves from minute to minute. That is the conversation that resonates quickly with the universe. When we choose to acknowledge the pain, someone has caused us and then move on, we heal more quickly and prevent ourselves from holding needless grudges.

Can you share a few examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help people have more optimal mental health?

Utilizing my Ten Commandments for Emotional Intelligence is a great start:

1. I AM emotionally aware that I am abundant therefore, I know there is enough for both of us. The more I give, the more I Receive.

2. I AM emotionally aware that I believe in myself under all circumstances and for that I am extremely brave. I always have the courage to try new things.

3. I AM emotionally compassionate by showing kindness and care for someone in need.

4. I AM emotionally disciplined because I decide what my triggers are.

5. I AM emotionally empathetic because when I love myself, I can truly love others.

6. I AM emotionally aware of the impact and importance of forgiveness and letting go. When I forgive myself and others, I am emotionally free to be me.

7. I AM emotionally grateful daily and acknowledge that giving thanks is critical to my personal evolution.

8. I AM emotionally happy when I follow my heart, I feel satisfied, continent, joyful, cheerful and blissful.

9. I AM emotionally aware of the power of my imagination. When I use my imagination, anything is possible.

10. I Am Emotionally Joyful when I have fun doing what I love.

Ok. Wonderful. Here is the main question of our interview. Can you recommend five things that anyone can do to develop a greater degree of Emotional Intelligence? Please share a story or example for each.

1.     Be Aware that there is a power breathing through you every minute of the day and this power must be recognized and appreciated daily. Once you realize this, you have an easier time recognizing how you are truly feeling. Are you truly feeling something or is it just in your head?

2.    The second thing that anyone can do to develop a greater degree of emotional intelligence is to Be Brave in life. Brave is a word that I often use to describe myself. When my daughter had her first vaccination shot at 15 months old she had a high fever, a 40-minute seizure and a rash on the palm of her hands and feet and had to be intubated 48 hours. With this prolonged seizure, she was now considered epileptic and would now have seizures on a daily basis until the point where it completely damaged her brain cell capacity. The hospital suggested I leave her at the children’s long term care facility as I was young and beautiful and could have other children. I said to them what about this precious one that I currently have? I took her out in the middle of the night never to be seen again. With everything happening, it took a lot of bravery on my end to make that decision.

3.    Then work to be Self-Confident. If you do not believe in yourself, no one else will. Look at how confident Trump is and look at how much people believe in him based on confidence alone. The universe and law of attraction will support you good or bad based on your belief systems and confidence levels.

4.    Another way to develop a greater degree of emotional intelligence is to Be Decisive in your decision making and always be willing to make an impact. Your decisions won’t always be perfect, but an imperfect decision is better than inaction. Decide to stop beating yourself up for mistakes of the past. Decide to find the greatness in the challenges you face. Decide to be joyful, loving, and grateful to yourself and everyone you come into contact with.

5.    Finally, start every single day with a Guided Meditation for a minimum of 1 hour and express Daily Gratitude for 5 brand new things. Make these two a non-negotiable way of being in the world. Do them on good days and especially on bad days. If you are able to do this on days when you just don’t feel like it, then you are closer to overcoming the triggers of emotional intelligence.

Do you think our educational system can do a better job at cultivating Emotional Intelligence? What specific recommendations would you make for schools to help students cultivate Emotional Intelligence?

Definitely! As a matter of fact, I believe the entire educational system should be built on emotional intelligence. Children would learn that everything is a possibility in life, you just have to believe that is true for you. If you dreamed about it, envisioned it, or thought about it, then it is absolutely yours to have. Managing a student’s emotional intelligence will allow for greater outcomes.

In terms of specific recommendations, I’d start by teaching students to understand the vast variety of emotions beyond fear or happiness. Empower them to focus on emotions like enthusiasm, joy, glee, and bliss, instead of nervousness, frustration, boredom, impatience, and anxiety. This shift would need to encompass changes in adult behavior, too. Parents and teachers need to do a better job of not burdening children with their personal baggage so the children are free to step into their true, authentic selves. They can do this by letting children explore life without so many criteria for success. Often it is the parents and schools’ reactions to a child’s behavior that molds them into something that was never intended to be.

Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

My movement would be, as I stated earlier, to wrap my arms around the black and indigenous communities and move their mindset beyond the concepts of white privilege, racism, and slavery. To help them have a strong, empowered mindset 99.9 percent of the time. This is what I strive for daily.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them :-)

Floyd Mayweather, Donald Trump, Dr. Joe Dispense, Sadhguru, Bruce Lipton, Kayne West, Jada Pinkett, Shonda Rhimes, Oprah Winfrey because all of these wonderful people have mastered how to up-level their emotions in front of the world.